I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
