so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
