Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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