people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
