I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
