Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
