found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
