just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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