Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
