worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
