I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
