I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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