I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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