as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize