Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Damn victory sex feels great
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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