not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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