I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
