I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
