Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
