i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
