i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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