I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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