so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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