We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
