so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
