Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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