found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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