i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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