CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
