she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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