You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
