I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
