yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
