Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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