i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
