I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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