i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
