Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
