lets start a swedish sibling band together
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
