he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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