You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
