community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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