My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
