I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
