omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
