so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
