OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
