obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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