you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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