If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
