Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
