am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
