I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
