My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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