FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
