If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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