you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
