So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
