i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you traded sex for a burrito?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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