The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
