READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
