I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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