i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
