did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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