i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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