my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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