Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
