the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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