Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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