thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
