He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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