Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
