Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
