shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
