You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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