I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
