she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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