Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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