Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
