vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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